…the flicker of frames…it is hard to focus on the images, hear the sounds, all that was felt -as if any of those things really happened.
Goth -it seems to have become not only a life-long realization, but idk, a great opening to understand the wonder of life, and the strange absolution in Death (if Death really is an ending). I wish I had more experiences other than my own lone adventures, but I have not been privileged. This is the main reason why I write on this blog, lost in the vast ocean of cyber-space. Sometimes I wonder if others read it, whether my words and expressions hold any merit. It is kind of like when I started making music and my first introductions to the computer,”I had no one to make music or communicate with, so, I became lost in a Dream within a Dream.” Actually, I have received more flack and hate for expressing and voicing myself to the ends of which I do not fully understand. But, I do assume responsibility for all that I do as I live and conduct my Goth Life. All I wanted to do -I think- was attempt to connect with others like myself, and with those who would not shun or hate me for the life I have led. It is much like the song “Weak and Powerless”. Humanity itself still has a long way to go before we make any real head-way towards allowing certain Life Styles, Cultures, and Races -although I am not sure how that will work or fully play out.
Outcast -it is not something I ever understood or wanted. It was not my intention to be different for the sake of difference or to get attention. But, when it is obvious that society, the norm, and other aspects of the world and people do not want you, or consider you to be relevant, then….you become Outcast. It doesn’t make me hate anyone, it doesn’t make me want to re-act with violence, it doesn’t push me further into the void that I have always known as life. In one way, it makes me feel I have found a genuine, but lonely station in the world, never wavering from my placement or position. Strange you know, “To feel as if you have never really lived, or died, and are just floating in this eternal place called…limbo.”
So, from this limbo, I write to you oh mysterious reader, whom I may never know, whom I may never see, whom might even be from a distant future after I have post-humously vanished into the eternal night. Anne Rice had written somewhere to write from the aspect of pain. Yes, I know pain well…perhaps to well. But, I know my life has not been as bad as some, and perhaps I live a Kingly life and yet not know it. Sometimes, other Goths have no-where to pull from, or come from an understanding of their own kind, and maybe I want to provide a different example, minus from all the commercialism. I guess, aside from what is typically expected, I say, “There is a different way; Another world of Goth aside from what you have been programmed to think and expect.”
Yes, believe it or not, there is a side(s) to Goth that embraces Beauty(beyond the eye), Wonder that is not Horror, Love that is not Flawed, and even….the Sacred Clear Light.
There was a time 1000’s of years ago when a strong and beautiful multitude of Germanic tribes lived and existed in the same ways as you and I. There was a time when “Goth” was a “True Way of Life”, where the good and the bad were all celebrated as the Great Wheel ever turned the house of the Sky, and we realized we were drifters, riding an earthen boat, afloat the oceans of infinite space. There were even those “who wore the stars”.
Outcast -I can remember being threatened in school, beaten up in school and other places, the endless looks and hateful stares enough to feel bitter cold run through you like a cold blade. It makes you strong, it makes you weak, it…teaches you things about people you would have never known other-wise, until you moved from outside the looking glass, to the inside. It feels like an “Eternal Damnation” in moments when I am not strong enough to fight back against those that despise me for no reason, sadly, even those among my own kind(?). How is it that any of us are entirely right or wrong? And for those of us who are Goth hath not dared waver from our Hollowed Station upon the Earth Sphere, when doth our time come when we celebrate the Light as much as the Darkness -for in the beginning, they were ours, and, for all.
It has been interesting to see what Goth has become over time. There are those that say it has evolved, or has gone through a mutation, but I say, “True Goth has only been superimposed upon, feeble attempts to substitute non-Goth things for the selfish desires of others, falsely used and abused by liars who assume some authoritarian position saying they have knowledge and know what true goth is.” But, they do not. They simply fell in time with the other trends, what they could make a quick buck off of, they did and said things to fit into their crowds and to appease their customers. I can not say that all of it was right or wrong, but my opinion is that the multitude like these aforementioned were wrong. Why? Because they picked and chose their moments to be Goth, they picked and chose when to support it and when to drop it, they picked and chose to take what they wanted and discarded the rest, even History. Without the preceding history of Goth, modern Goth would not exist at all, and I would entirely like to hear someone debate that fact with any degree of impossible success. Mark my words, “It will never happen.”
So, if it were not for all the Germanic and European Tribes, Goth would not exist. As someone -distantly related by DNA- how-so-ever-distantly related, I give Honor and Respect to my distantly related Ancestors. I wonder if the past Goths would even begin to tolerate the present Goth, the false air of pretense, the laughing difference between costume and battle armor, real war-paint hysterically compared to eye-liner? I am not saying that I feel or think all of it is bad, but, it is analogous to driving a car, and not yet knowing how the motor or mechanics work. Even better would be to say what the difference is between those who live a True Goth Life (real) and opposed to those who dress themselves in the pale, weak, modern comparison of the Ancestors, Founders, and True Artisans of all that it means to be Goth.
There are times that I wonder when it is only convenient for some to be Goth only when it suits there purposes or needs. I will say that in today’s modern world, there is a time and place for everything, and Goth Life is not accepted in a multitude of places in the world. I don’t think hiding in the shadows for fun should have ever been embraced as some Romantic quality of Goth, although it seems to have become the proverbial hiding-hole (seedy-clubs, worthless concerts, niche’ business, online social networks) for those who seek this wonder.
It is hard to speak a truth, and, even harder to live a Truth. But, Perhaps it is all subjective.
Do we allow commercialism: art, music, clothes, internet social networks, fictional books <do we allow these things to define “True Goth”. Do we allow these things to define us as “Goth”. Do you really think any of these commercialized creations define, speak to, or actually create and express “True Goth”? Seriously.
No commercialism in any form what-so-ever, should ever define you as a Goth, nor should it be used or allowed to define Goth. Remember who you are, Goth, not what you have been programmed and expected to be.
I look forward to the Day when the Light is as Celebrated in Goth Culture as the Darkness is, for whether Good or Evil exists, they exist in both conditions -so, it matter not if you dress in all black or white. What I feel is important is that, “You are True to Yourself, and the Chosen Life-Path you Live.”
