So often in my life I've been told "You're not good enough" or "you're not welcome here". Often I've been outcasted or excluded. When you get in the headspace of being an outcast you seem to outcast yourself and alienate yourself from all good things telling yourself "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not wanted".
I grew up in a household of fear and chaos with a father that neither wanted to father nor knew how to. I was told daily that I was a mistake and that I would never amount to anything by the very people who are supposed to build you up.
It's taken me a long time to understand that my value is not dependent upon others and I have burnt a lot of bridges and hurt a lot of people in that process. From living in a world that hates you and where chaos reigns, art has always been my escape, my place of solitude. From drawing as a kid to building things with my hands as an adolescent and then graphic design and marketing school as a young adult, digital media has been always the one place where I can belong, a place where I can express myself. I always think it's funny how most photographers hate having their pictures taken. I often make the joke that I belong behind the camera and not in front of it because my equipment is too valuable to break. I hate being in front of the camera, I don't enjoy it. I guess I'm afraid that somehow people will see the pain and darkness that is still very real inside me if they can see pictures of me.
I picked up a camera 4 years ago. I had no idea where it would take me but I'm glad I did. Photography for me is my expression. To see a world through a different set of eyes is important to me. I love the raw beauty I and others are able to capture with our cameras. My style of photography tends to be a bit dark, cryptic even but I find that to me....it's so beautiful. It's fun to take light and happy shots but the shots that are the most beautiful are the ones that are kind of dark and a little sad....maybe even a little scary.
"If you let me, I'd love to capture a photo of your face, it might not be what you expect when I'm finished but I guarantee it'll be beautiful" - Me
"No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world." - John Keating